Last week I wrote about facing your fear and used an example of doing a bungee This week I would like to talk about a common fear I have noticed in not only my clients but something most people experience at some stage of their life which is SPEAKING UP;
This is something that is very common in everyday life!
How many times have you thought about saying something or asking for something, even telling someone something about them and have not? My guess is, the answer would be, more than 6 times in our life we have done this. You may want to disagree, yet really think about your life and be truth full to yourself in the answer.
A common theme is that people do not want to hurt or offend the other person; there is also the possibility they may be rejected or put down from asking a particular question; another is that they may be wrong in what they are saying.

All these situations are based around what you think the outcome will be.
Let’s take a simple exercise you could do with a friend or partner, even a work colleague.
Be aware of how you are feeling and how easy or difficult is it to find something to say to that person when you do this exercise.

Sit down with this person and take turns to tell each other 3 things you like about that person. For the person who is receiving the compliment, just say I acknowledge that and thank you very much. Once you have done this and both had turns sharing with each other, I would now invite you to do the same thing, yet this time you are going to tell them 3 things you do not like about this person. Again the person who is receiving is to just say I acknowledge that and thank you very much.

I can her people saying! That is a stupid exercise why would I want to tell someone things I do not like about them?
My question to you is,


If we look at life in general terms there are always two sides to everything we do. Let’s take right and wrong, good or bad, his side her side, he said she said, anger and love, happy and sad and list can go on.

So why is it, that we do not accept both sides of everything we experience or here?
Why is it that we also play the same game in Speaking up?
Let’s go back to the exercise I shared with you.
When you did this what was it that you noticed about yourself?
Was it easier to share likes or dislikes?
How did you feel telling this to the other person?
Did you find you started to tell a longer story when telling someone about the dislikes? Did you start to justify what you were saying?

Sit and really be honest with yourself about the answers to the questions above, on what I have asked or even after trying out the exercise.

A question I asked earlier, so why do we do this?

Well we do this, based only on what we have experienced from our own lives. We also prejudge an outcome, before we have even experienced that situation, based on what we know from our past. We also put up certain expectations about ourselves and others before even allowing this to happen.

My challenge to you is, Face the fear, experience the fear, live through the fear, and allow yourself to live the life you dream.

Article written by
Jay Lincoln
Holistic Coach
E-Mail jay@freedomtochoose.org.nz

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